death comes without warning

This week one of my closest friend's dad died. There was warning. He had been sick and had treatment and been okay then not okay then fell and, and, and. Ending up in hospice, he waited for his death. His three daughters were around him when he passed away.

My friend said, 'We talked him through letting go and moving on.'

Letting go and moving on. It strikes me that this is probably a very astute way of dealing with last moments of life. And probably also all the moments of actual life itself. If we practice letting go - of the expectation, of the clinging to happiness from that cheeseburger and the grasping for the next one, of ridiculous storylines that keep us stuck to our own suffering, the fear of losing anything at all - if we practice letting go throughout our lives, perhaps the biggest letting go at the end of life may not be so foreign. And anyways, apparently it's not an ending? There's enough literature on this and direct experience, yes mostly from Buddhist masters who can tell us what the fuck is up when the mind releases itself from the form of the body, to know that something continues. 'A moving on' I guess...Can I just say here that I actually have no idea what I am talking about because I haven't died, yet, in this particular body and what I conjecture is only from reading and wondering. I need to remind myself, and you dear reader, that this is all a first draft without a research assistant to fact check.

And still I continue.

The phrase, 'death comes without warning' is from The Four Reminders in Buddhism - otherwise known "as thoughts that turn the mind towards liberation" or, as I like to say, "pretty obvious shit that we never think about because it's fucking terrifying."

My paraphrasing of the 4 Reminders:

1. Human birth is precious.

2. Everything is impermanent.

3. Cause and effect is infallible.

4. Suffering is everywhere.

   
   

Years ago, my bestie, Jane, gifted me a gray t-shirt with bold white writing on the front that read, THIS BODY WILL BE A CORPSE. All caps because it’s important, dude. I wore it to school where I was teaching at the time aware that it might get some traction. Many people were mortified (which comes from a Latin word meaning ‘to put to death’ by the way) but, at the time, I just thought it was hilarious. I still think it’s humourous though maybe it was funnier when I was younger? The closer I get to being a corpse, the less funny it seems. But it’s true, isn’t it? This body will be a corpse which is certainly a sobering thought. I didn't know that it came from The Four Reminders. I just thought it was a cool t-shirt.

...Second, the whole world and its inhabitants are impermanent.

In particular, the life of beings is like a bubble.

Death comes without warning, this body will be a corpse....

EVERY SINGLE PERSON THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HUMAN HISTORY HAS DIED.

EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.

That means you and me, bub.

So what to do with this information that is certainly not a secret? I'm not too sure. A lot of the time it brings me great sadness. I don't want the people I love to die. Some of them already have. (How dare they!). I don't actually want to leave this life. Full of suffering and violence and stupidity, it is actually a wonderful thing. Well, my experience of it is generally wonderful as I was fortunate enough not to be born in a war-torn country. I am one of the Luckies.

This feeling of deep sadness was termed the genuine heart of sadness by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche. We are touched by life and by death. Knowing that things are impermanent is fucking sad. But this broken heartedness is like a weird superpower. Recognizing the truth of impermanence, wakes up the fuck up. Awareness is a pretty rad cape. Trungpa Rinpoche also said that to see this and live from it, to feel the tender heart, one needs to be a brave warrior. Not a warrior in terms of war obvs, but one needs courage to face the truth. The real truth. This whole thing, this whole world and life and friends and family and the football game and the birthday party and the headlines and the ice cream, it's all entirely fragile.

And also, at its core, completely indestructible. Adamatine, in fact.

Buddhism is nothing if not paradoxical.

Right. That's enough of that for today.