it's okay to be who you are

I read this a couple of days ago and it made an inner firework shoot through the top of my head-crown.

The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are - Joseph Campbell.

This is my new mantra. It's a gem, a goldmine a non-blood diamond. Yes, man. THAT IS the privilege of a lifetime. I know it, I believe it, I shout it from the rooftops and sing out to the world that THAT is all that really matters! Be who you are! When you are who you are you are automatically of service to the world. You naturally contribute with ease and earnestness. It's what I want young people to own and embrace. I so need to practice what I preach. That shit ain't easy.

But what if being who you are is someone with random mystery symptoms that makes you feel nauseous, cranky, confused, irritable, depressed and exhausted beyond all normal comprehension so you feel like you can never make plans or never do good work? What if being who you are is a continual comparison to the people around you who seem productive, patient and even (incredulously), actually happy? What if being who you are is just a struggle? What if being who you are is observing a relentlessly critical inner voice who accepts nothing and expects everything? What if being who you are feels like a bummer a lot of the time? What if being who you are is a perpetual disappointment because you can never - and I mean never - live up to your own standards? What if being who you are - this weirdly unsatisfied and limp person - is so embarrassing because you actually have ALL of the riches you could ever need to be enough, to have enough, to give enough but you are never, ever enough? What if being who you are is knowing for a bajillion years that self-acceptance is the key to some semblance of peace of mind but you just. can't. seem. to. ever. get. there. Huh? What about all of that, mister?

Accepting the parts of yourself that you don't accept is also a part of accepting yourself. Koan? Moan.

Apparently the way to practice Acceptance is to work with the vedanas. Translation: the pleasant, unpleasant or neutral sensations (I also think reactions?) we have to all phenomenon, internal and external. So maybe I'll try that. Later.

Today I am depressed. In my brain. Or at least in the fog in my brain. I am going to practice accepting it. Like really and truly. THIS IS HOW I AM RIGHT NOW. And that's okay. It actually feels cotton-y but in the smothering way not the comforting way. I really, really, really am going to see what it's like to let it be. Words of wisdom.

I just read this from Emma Brockes, a Guardian columnist, author and purveyor of the perfect tone for essays, "Most of us understand, now, that we don’t need to emerge from lockdown with new attitudes and skills, and that it’s OK to be sad, mad, anxious and depressed. Beyond that, perhaps, the greater lesson is that it’s OK simply to carry on being who we are."

It's OK simple to carry on being who we are. Huh.

Ima give that a go.